Seven Thoughts

So this weekend I found out that my brother is most likely going to be shipped to Baghdad. I have a whole range of emotions that cropped up when I found this out. I will take you, dear reader, on a journey. This will be a journey into the thoughts and feelings of one SRH concerning his older brother’s potential deployment to the Green Zone.

The first that the careened through my head was, “WTF? My brother is a full time naval reservist working HR functions in Virginia Beach. Why would he be deployed into a warzone, much less a dry boot warzone?” 1. He is in the NAVY, why wouldn’t he be stationed on one of their big ships? 2. He works in Navy HR doing man-power logistics, what would necessitate him being on-site to plan man-power stuff? 3. WTF? He is in the NAVY!

The second thought that went through my head was, “Hasn’t my brother been kicked out of the military 4 or 5 times? Why would they even WANT him in their war, unless of course it was to get rid of him….” My paranoia is pretty well entrenched in my sub-conscious. I dismissed this thought pretty quickly, but it still popped up. How far down the barrel are they scraping? If my brother the perennial honorable discharge candidate for the US Armed Forces is getting sent into a combat theatre, does that mean they have already used up the qualified people?

The third thought that went through my head was, “Great, now my brother’s going to be in Iraq and my best friend is still stuck in Afghanistan. I don’t need this stress.” I mean, really, between Little Man’s asthma, OT issues, Wifey’s liver mass, and the typical and atypical professional stressors, do I really need a family member to be sent into Operation Desert Handjob?

The fourth thought that went through my head was, “I wonder what exactly they would need my HR logistics brother to do.” I called the guy and asked what was up. He would be doing manpower projections for a joint task force team-up between the Army and the Navy concerning Improvised Explosive Devices (IED’s) and Counter Electronics Warfare. There are 4 types of IED’s running around in Iraq: ones set off via-cell phone call, ones set off using a remote detonator, ones that are physically set-off due to pressure changes and weight, and ones that are set off using sophisticated electronics. It seems that the Navy has a pretty good system set up to deal with Counter E-warfare, while the Army doesn’t. Therefore, the Navy is working closely with the Army to learn this stuff.

The fifth thought that went through my head was, “Whoa, whoa, whoa there city slicker. Why would my brother get this assignment? He doesn’t work with Counter E-warfare. Did my brother volunteer?” Okay, turns out that my brother currently works with some kind of joint task force and has previously been part of some Counter E-Warfare crap, so he might have been tagged, but then he said that he is really excited about this “opportunity.” Opportunity?!?!? Is he just spinning this or was it some kind of “either volunteer and be thanked or force us to send you and not be thanked” situation? Either way he is at least starting to spin this in his head. “It will be a good career move for me.” “I will get a leg up on the next group up for promotions.” Etc…

The sixth thought that went through my head was, “I really don’t have the relationship with my brother that I want. What should I do to help change the status quo.” I really would hate for him to go into a combat zone and get waxed without at least having attempted to create a new friendship with him. I honestly could have stopped the last sentence at “waxed.” I do love my flawed brother, I really do. Whenever I think of him, I remember the fun loving guy I used to throw cold water on while he was showering. I think of the guy who, without prodding from the parents, invited me to hang out with his friends. I think of the guy who was quick to laugh and quick to make a joke. I think of that guy before I think of the guy he seems to be today. The guy who is immobilized by the responsibilities he doesn’t want. The guy who has used the military as a shield and a crutch. The guy who has an inability to make decisions out of his fear of failure. I always think of the fun guy (not fungi) first. Always.

The seventh thought that went through my head was, “I hate this fucking war.” Now there is a chance that I will lose my best friend and the potential of being friends with my brother again.

To recap
He should know his orders within the next week or so
I NEED to exercise tonight
My shoulder is feeling better
It still hurts though
Looks like we have figured out a way to make little personal pizzas for Little Man
That is very nice
Sorry for the melancholy
That is where I am today
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions will be all about Gen X stuff
Cheers

July 4, 2007

I have nothing to post about today. So I will not bore any poor soul out there who happens across this blog with any useless tales of nothing. I will however burden my existing readership (I believe there are at least 2 of you) with my inane blatherings. For those interested continue reading. Others.... continue at your own peril... oooooh ominous

On to the blatherings:
Thing the first: Little Man has re-iterated his disdain for fireworks.

Thing the second: Changes are afoot for this web log, but as to what changes.... I am not sure yet. It feels a bit stagnant and I think it needs some updating. Pay attention dear readers, things will change here.

Thing the third: I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GET A SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!! It is driving me nuts. Well, it is driving more nuts than before. The big reason for this driving me nuts is that it is not a good song in the least. I am happy in some way that it is not a kid's song, but Duran Duran's Hungry Like the Wolf needs to be purged from my subconscious as soon as possible.

Thing the fourth: My right shoulder hurts like a bear right now. Not a vampire bear, (one cannot understand the pain a vampire bear might cause) merely a regular old Kodiak bear. I think I have been sleeping on my right side a bit too much as of late. Note to self: Sleep on back or left side tonight

Not this

This

Thing the sixth: I am Uber-Geeking out tomorrow, so expect to hear some tales of Ubergeekdom come Monday.

That's all the things I can come up with.

To recap:
Dark in the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
Woman you want me, give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Stalked in the forest, too close to hide
I'll be upon you by the moonlight side
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
High blood drumming on your skin its so tight
You feel my heart, I'm just a moment behind
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Scent and a sound,
I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine I'm after you
Mouth is alive all running inside
And I'm hungry like the wolf

(hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf)

Burning the ground I break from the crowd
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
I smell like I sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Burning the ground I break from the crowd
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine I'm after you
Mouth is alive all running inside
And I'm hungry like the wolf...

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,

Just a Recap

To recap:
I think that Little Man is getting a bit tired of me
He is getting a bit cranky and ouchy
He was a bit disappointed in seeing me this morning
I don’t blame him
I must have looked a fright
You see, I am not sleeping well at all
It takes forever for me to fall into a restless sleep
I get waaay more junk email at work than I probably should
Especially since I cannot go to many websites to virtually sign up for the stuff
DAMN YOU INTERNET COOKIES! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
Right now there are 56 messages in my “Junk Mail” folder
I cleaned that folder out yesterday before leaving work
Little Man tried some faux Monterey Jack and faux Cheddar cheese last night on his tacos
He liked it very much
Ate a handful of the stuff by itself after I grated it up for taco consumption
Then he had some on his taco, so it clearly wasn’t a fluke
The dishwasher has been running almost non-stop since Wifey left
I trimmed Little Man’s toe nails and finger nails last night
He was very patient with the fumbling papa
So, take that nail clipping doubters!
Did I mention I was tired?
Nope, I just said, “I am not sleeping well at all”
To clarify then, I am tired
Quite so even
Mountain Dew is my prop
Still have until Saturday Night for Wifey to get back
Saturday Night’s alright
Ummm… alright, alright?
I have been writing things out today with a pencil on actual paper
My hand is cramping
It really is quite pitiful
My hand is actually hurting
No really
I am hungry and thirsty
Not bloodthirsty mind you
Well, Ok, maybe a little bloodthirsty, but who isn’t?
To mix things up a bit, tonight is going to be a movie night for Little Man
Provided that he is not tooo all dirty
No, not Dirrty, he is only 3.9 years old
Well, I have work that I have been avoiding
I leave you all with a question
And a random one at that
Why can the worlds of Star Trek and Star Wars never intersect?*
I have been watching waay too much geekiness without Wifey at home
Wifey, come home, my grip on sanity is failing…
Please feel free to answer this question in the comments section
Cheers

* I have an answer, but I will not bias those answers I get by posting mine.

3 more things

So I am at home today with Little Man. He is not sick or anything like that. Wifey is out of the country for some more training in her conversation-fu martial art. She is soooo close to getting her black belt in conversation-fu. Anyway, since she is usually home with the little miscreant on Mondays and Fridays and she is away from home until late Saturday night, I have decided to take today off and (workload willing) Friday as well. If I do have to work on Friday, I figure that Little Man is 4, knows how to work the microwave enough to get his chickies warmed up, and does really well playing on his own.

Anyway… Here are some things I have noticed about Little Man recently to get your week off and running.

Thing the first:
He is still quite in love with trains. He is not all that interested in steam engines because they do not really ride the rails these days. He does not like trains that make the proverbial “chugga chugga choo choo” noises. This makes it rather difficult to find a set of “special sheets” for his bed that have trains on it that he actually likes. There are, to my knowledge, no Santa Fe Blue Bonnet or Santa Fe War Bonnet sheets sets out there. This fact makes Little Man a bit sad, and has really taxed my abilities to research stuff on the old Intertubes.

Thing the second:
Little Man’s eating is slowing down somewhat. Instead of him eating 2 whole Burger King hamburgers and taking down a medium fry with that, he now almost finishes his burger and wolfs down most of a small order of onion rings. Instead of the 2.5 pieces of his weekly homemade pizza getting scarfed, he now only consumes about 1 piece. Where as before he would have 3 full sized plates of Orange Rice (this is what he wants for dinner tonight), he now eats a polite 1.5 plates full of the rice casserole. We honestly get worried when he doesn’t eat like he has to fill up a hollow leg, but then we realize that he still eats more than most kindergarten classes combined in any one sitting. That tends to take the edge off. “I wonder, is he feeling OK? He only ate half a box of chicken nuggets.”

Thing the third:
He really cannot name his toys. He has a Giraffe named Brown Giraffe. He has 2 baby dolls named Cabbage and Truck respectively. He gave his stuffed animal lion the name Bumper. He refers to himself as a mouse named Dale, a big tomcat named Whitey, or a big fat yellow kitty named Fluffy. Often when he is playing with a toy that we haven't heard him name, we ask him what the toy's name is just to have a laugh. On a side note: I had always thought that if we ever got more cats that we would name them Ultraman, the Lizard King, and Captain Sisko, but now I am thinking that Little Man should get a shot at it. I would love to have a cat named Dumptruck, CSX, or Lolly Gagging. We will have to wait a while until either Little Man grows out of his cat allergy or the price for one of the hypoallergenic breeds comes down to something reasonable.

To recap:
Wow, Little Man is quite the tired one after his OT appointment
Still not napping though
He is quite content to be humming and clucking to himself in his bed while playing with his feet
Wifey is out until Saturday Night
There is a good chance that by Thursday my post will be incoherent gibberish pleading for Wifey to come home and take this infernal daemon spawn from me
This kid knows what buttons to push, I tells ya!

Tabula Rasa

Here I am staring at a blank page in Microsoft Word. I do this 4 days a week. Sometimes the words come flowing out of me to spill onto the page creating my typical incoherent babblings, and sometimes (like today) I just sit and look at a blank page. Sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes I just sit.

Since I am at work, I can stare at this blank page for a minute or 2 and then do some work. I come back to the blank page for a moment or 2 hoping for some kind of inspiration, and then do a bit more work. Sometimes whilst converting a file or saving a rather large image or dataset I will come back to this blank slate and be mesmerized by its stark white lack of content.

Often times I start out a post and then wipe the slate clean because what I wrote sucks. I will get a few paragraphs/sentences/words in and decide that is not the direction I wanted to go in. My muse is a fickle one. She taunts me with almost good ideas, and “could be nice if” posts that in the end won’t work. She laughingly sends me topics that don’t have an interesting angle.

Then… every once and a while she gives me something that I can work with. The times that my muse actually delivers the goods are few and far between, but when they happen my fingers fly across the keyboard as fast as they can (which is not too fast since I only learned the HPC method of typing*). Those are the posts that I am usually most happy with. These are also the posts that rarely get comments.

Today is not one of those days, today is a day where I have started this post about 7 times and gotten no where. Currently, the post I am working on as I type this… this post is the one I will go with today because really this is meta-posting at its best. I am writing about how I write, or how I don’t write. Can I get a ruling from a judge here?

Go with “how I don’t write.” That sounds right to us…. Right? Write? Get it?

Oh, goodness, even my impartial ethereal judges are corny.

... I am writing about how I don't write.

So there you have it. Most of my posts are an uphill struggle through 4 feet of snow. They are written, not with wild abandon or inspired fancy. They are written with the plodding determination of a dromedary silk caravan just after a sandstorm. The words must escape the inaccessible prison of my convoluted mind before being painstakingly affixed to the digital files I use to create my posts. Much like the relentless pursuit of the Komodo dragon, the posts are my once bitten and slowly dying prey. Basically, like the large bacteria infected lizards, I wait out my posts until they flop over from sickness and exhaustion. My writing is the tortoise telling the crowd after the hare has lost, “Slow and steady wins the race, bitches. Who’s betting against me now!”

And then again, sometimes I am inspired.

To recap:
Had a wonderful lunch today with Wifey and Lord Pithy
It was wonderful due to its pizza buffetishness
Oh, and the company
Tomorrow is my birthday
I will be taking the day off
But I will still be posting
Bitches


*HPC = Hunt Peck and Curse

Root-Beer Float

Much happened this weekend, but most of what happened is not that exciting so I am going to gloss over the weekend that was.

Little Man got me a new chair for the computer as a Father’s Day gift. We had been using a nice straight backed chair as a computer chair, but, while that chair is comfortable for 30 minutes meal-like increments, it has something to be desired when sitting in front of the computer for hours at a time. The new chair is really nice and cushiony so that makes my butt quite happy. We also got this thing that we can put on the chair as added lumbar support. All in all, it is quite comfy to sit at the computer for hours on end for digital painting, or World of Warcraft adventuring. So whether you are adding lights to Darth Vader’s chest or just into killing trolls, this chair is the chair for you.

The bulk of my weekend was getting Little Man’s swing-set up and running. So far it has been a swing set without a swing. We had to replace one crossbeam to get the swing all swingy, but the manufacturer of this particular swing-set uses lumber that is a just a bit off-size from typical lumber. This weekend’s foray into the world of home repairs took waaaay longer than it should have. Little Man now has a swing though, and that is all that matters. Sure my hands were all eaten up during the construction and assembly process, but it is worth it even though it made the weekend one sweaty outdoor mess. Now I can safely say that we are done with Little Man’s monumental swing-set (until we add on to the other side)* .

But I don’t want to focus on the weekend that was, I want to focus on one particular event. Little Man had his first root-beer float this weekend. This is a big thing because Little Man to this point has been absolutely unwilling to try any sort of cold confectionary treat. No ice cream (soy-based “ice cream” in his case), popsicles, ices, or other various frozen treats in general were just plain un-appealing to him. I am not sure where or why, but he decided yesterday that he wanted to try some “root-beer and ice cream.” We are ecstatic that it was a hit.

He now knows that it is called a “Root-Beer Float,” and woe unto others who might get in his way when he wants one.

To recap:
Tomorrow’s 20 Question Tuesday is a continuation of last week’s
It is going to be hawesome
Yes, “hawesome”
Which is more awesome than mere “awesome”
See, this blog isn’t just about inane drivel, one can also be educated by it as well
Just overheard on the phone with Wifey, “Please don’t do that, your hands smell like ass”
She was talking to Little Man
He is going to be so well adjusted into society
Now I need to find some doughnuts (“donuts” to you, Allrileyedup) made without eggs or dairy
Cabbage and Truck?
Little Man is soooooo not naming any potential pets
FYI: when searching on the Internet for “Deck Stain,” for the love of God and all that is holy, and I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT MISSPELL ANYTHING ESPECIALLY THE FIRST WORD!!!
I need Clorox for my brain!
Make the images go away.... make them go away

*this is the equivalent to a “mumble, mumble, mumble.”

Car Straw

So on the way to G-Ma D and G-Pa R’s today Little Man looked out the windshield and stated, “The straw on the car is used to bring the radio in.”

Ah, the world as seen through the eyes of someone with a limited vocabulary.

Anyway, the blog “reading” ban has been lifted, but my abilities to post and comment are still compromised (or sporadic at best). Many of the pictures that people embed within their posts are not visible for me. Basically, I am only partially connected to the blogosphere, so I am still posting from the homestead tonight. I will see how the commenting/posting thing works for tomorrow.

On some of work related blogs that I go to, I am not able to see the dreadfully dull conversation that ensues after the post, nor can I participate with my droll comments. Such witticisms as, “WTF, you can’t do a choropleth map using a standard deviation classification system when you are using ordinal data! Sweet Jebus on a stick! Do you work for USA Today or something?” Can you feel the burn? Yeah I brought it on that one. Oh, those blogs fear the sting of the mighty SRH.

One time I had this guy near tears because he wanted to use graduated symbols on nominal data. I was like, get to the back of the class, Poindexter
And he was all, but all I did was ask a simple question.
And I was like, well, duh.
And he was all, why do you have to be soo mean
And I was like, because stupid people need to know their limitations. So STFU, n00b! kthxby
I got a few virtual high fives for that one because I pwned him so bad.*

To recap:
The antennae on my cup is used to emit the drink in my mouth
Speaking of drinks in my mouth, I am a bit parched at the moment
I will have a real post tomorrow
Today, I just have too much to do
Yes, tomorrow’s will be another letter
You may suggest letters in comments
Do not chose any of the letters I have already done:
A, C, D, F, K, L, N, P, R, T, and W
Also please do not chose B, H, or Y
They have been saved for the end
So I guess you can fight over me doing one of the letters in this group:
E, I, J, M, O, Q, U, V, X, and Z
Boy, I am bossy

*all stories associated with comments on GIS/Cartography blogs are purely fictitious and never happened anywhere but in SRH’s weak little head. Nothing that exciting ever gets posted in the comments sections of mapping/GIS/Spatial Data forums or blogs. The most exciting thing is when someone finds another place to download more free data. Oooooooh exciting!

The Power of Blogging

The powers that be have decided that blogs are not appropriate for work use even though there are a myriad of blogs out there that are research and current event motivated. Sure mine isn’t, but that is beside the point. It is a bit tiresome, but this is the second time the company has shut down the availability of blogs.

So, I will have to post from the homestead for the time being. I have already sent in a request to our IT staff to release the “offending domains” from the “forbidden” categories. Aside from the myriad of personal blogs that I frequent, there is also a large population of blogs that I go to for professional purposes. Oddly there are a boat load of mapping blogs, GIS blogs, illustration blogs, branding blogs, etc… There are also a few people out there who have started blogs as a sort of grass-roots sounding board (opposition) to some of the jobs I am currently working on in the transportation planning industry. Since most of my work is associated with the public information portion of these jobs, it is good to see what concerns the general public has so that we can address it in the future. I really do care about my job and attempt to do a good job sometimes. I know, who would have thought the medium used by some people to post a daily picture of their cat could also be a legitimate research platform.

I honestly think that the IT department reloaded the web security software on Friday and forgot to toggle a switch that used to be toggled. So I am having Wifey post this by proxy and I will be posting from home in the evenings for the rest of the week. We will see how that works for a while. I might have to relax my 4 days a week posting policy, but then again, they might also re-open the restricted domains.

I hope to have a 20 Questions Tuesday ready for tomorrow.

Thanks for reading

--The Management

To recap:
It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time
Little Man just absolutely loves that
He makes us watch it at least three times a day
Thanks a bunch, Riley!
Weekend was nice
I am having a hard time getting motivated today
I actually look forward to posting and getting reactions to posts
Well, I have some public information pieces to do concerning a major industrial complex
I wish I could see what is being said about that job on the Internet right now

Unbidden Memories

Looking back on childhood is not always a good thing. Reminiscing about idyllic days gone by can be a dangerous past time. Sometimes these un-bidden childhood memories slam into your consciousness without any warning. They wistfully take you back to a time when you had more free-time and less responsibility, or they bring about flashbacks of trauma survived by younger versions of ourselves. These unexpected memories of times past can be powerful and strangely emotive, or they can be analytically detached and emotionally devoid. It really depends on the memories called up and the person remembering. It is strange to see someone going through this process. They have a far away look in their eyes sometimes with a serious expression or a slight smile curling their lips. Their heads are slightly cocked at an angle. They seem to be looking over the horizon at lives past. It is fascinating to see this process. It is wonderful to see humanity remember itself and relive those feelings of lost youth.

At least that is what the driver next looked like he was doing this morning while he was slowly drifting into my lane on my daily commute to work. Come on, Chuck*, quit thinking about your childhood pet Mr. Snugglesworth** and start driving again! This time try not to inadvertently kill your fellow motorists with your inability to focus on the task at hand. Focus, Chuck! Focus!

To Recap:
Look, there’s 2 hobbits
Hobbitsies are trixie!
I am all about believing in its butteryness
You are not supposed to run with scissors, but what if it is a hair emergency?
What if someone needs those scissors 2 rooms away, right NOW!
“Needs!” I says, “NEEDS!!!”
Why, as a child was I encouraged to run with a stapler
It was always, “Don’t forget your stapler,” and “get the lead out, that stapler isn’t going to be in the kitchen in time if you don’t hurry up”
That damn stapler and that helmet they made me wear….
I just told you guys too much, didn’t I?
Hmmmm… disregard this recap
These are not the droids you are looking for
kkksskt - These are not the droids we are looking for
We can go about our business
kkksskt - You can go about your business
Move along
kkksskt - Move along, move along


*Just guessing at a name here. He looked like a “Chuck."
**Just assuming with a name like Chuck that the pet's name would be similarly dorky***.
***Wow, I just made a value judgement on the merits of someone's potential name. I am shallow.

I love it when they call me Big Papa

Before Little Man was born there were some decisions that we had to make as a couple and as individuals. These were not earth-shattering, life-altering, monumental decisions, but ones that had to be made nonetheless. These decisions were not things like will we let him play with toy guns or will we instill the usage of “Mam” and “Sir.” Those decisions can be taught later when the child is a little older and able to “get” the concepts better.

One such decision was what Little Man was going to call me. With my cultural and ethnic knowledge there were only a few to choose from for this momentous moniker. There is, to my knowledge, Dad, Daddy, Father, or Papa. Dad didn’t work for me. This seemed a bit too old for a young child to use when referring to me. Daddy felt too common. I am nothing if not un-common. Father would have worked if I were Darth Vader or this were the 1800’s, but otherwise it is too formal and stilted.

The lovely Wifey decided that she wanted to go by Mama and not Mommy or Mother, so I went with Papa, the typical paring with Mama. But I did not choose “Papa” just because it went well with “Mama.” I chose Papa because it has a more intimate feeling to it. I chose Papa because I wanted to hear a little voice calling me Papa. To me Papas are supposed to be fun and silly men with deep resonate voices, men who smile often and laugh easily. They love their little ones and like to scoop them up in their outstretched arms. They let contented babies sleep on their chest, and smile warmly when their 2 year old wants their sandwich. So I chose Papa.

There is another side to Papa that I hadn’t really considered until after Little Man came into our life. There is also Papa Bear. Papa Bear does not come out much but when he does he is swift, firm, and sometimes brutal. Wifey saw Papa Bear once when a boy threw a ball at Little Man’s head in the young kids’ area of COSI (Kid's museum type place in Columbus). Papa Bear has also had to intercede on his boy’s behalf at a playground’s sand box due to the limited amount of shovels and buckets present. There have been at most a handful of appearances for Papa Bear. All of them have been swift, all of them decisive, and all of them have been rather effective

Turns out that Papa Bear also wants to protect Wifey too. Wifey was dealt with dismissively by someone she is supposed to work with, and Papa Bear is not happy. No Papa Bear is not happy at all. No one laughs dismissively at Wifey without Papa Bear emerging. Unfortunately Papa Bear is powerless in this position and therefore Papa Bear must merely post about his frustration.

Papa Bear could also be blowing things out of proportion (actually I am sure of this since Wifey is not still spitting mad) because he is rather biased and protective where Wifey and Little Man are concerned.

To recap:
My left calf feels like tenderized meat today
The second day after exercising is always the worst
Yesterday was Little Man’s last day of pre-school
That makes me sad
He really liked it a whole bunch
Sometimes I sit and think
Sometimes I just sit
No really
I do not have enough work shirts for the upcoming summertime
Scissors
People make fun of me for my collection of history of math books
There are soooo many better reasons to make fun
Math history books are too easy
Work for it people
Papa Bear also likes to talk about himself in third person
I have decided that instead of having a balanced diet, I will instead take supplements
Fish oil, magnesium, B-complex, multi-vitamin, glucosamine…
I am not sure what is for dinner tonight, but I hope it is not in tablet form like the rest of my nutrients

Three Things

Three main things to cover today.

Thing the first: Wifey came home. It involved a trip to Cleveland, some duct tape, a Coke can, and 15 ft of razor wire, but she got home.

Thing the Second: My prediction of Wifey taking over the number 3 spot was woefully incorrect. I am still a solid number 3. Both Wifey and I are surprised by this outcome. I really thought I might have gotten a break. Turns out that instead of Little Man feeling joyous at her return he is still bitter at her departure. He holds a grudge, what can I say.

Thing the Third: The digital piles of dirt I have been working on needed to be done today at 4pm. I gave them to the PM at 4:05pm. All in all I would say that was a success. It was not the 4 “simple” renderings that I was promised. Turns out that there were 6 renderings in all, and one of them required me “erasing” a boat load of the existing photo and painting what was most likely behind the stuff I removed.

PM: Can you take out this tree so we can see the buildings behind it?
Me: Oh, God…… /wimper

To recap:
Weekend was lovely
A “Thanks for honking for Little Man” goes out to the NS engineer in the Conrail engine
Little Man was out of his mind happy with that
Truly he was bat-shit insane happy with the Conrail honking
That made me really happy
No really, he made Wifey call me today so he could remind me that "Conrail train honked because you waved."
"No, the Conrail honked because you waved, Little Man."
For those of you not in the know, when you erase a tree in a photo the building behind it does not magically appear
Tomorrow will be 20 Questions Tuesday: 43 - By the Numbers
Excited yet?
Didn’t think so
If I had free punch and pie I would give it out
I imagine you would be much more interesting a 20 Questions Tuesday if there were free punch and pie
I know I would be more interested in writing it
I am debating whether or not I should go work out tonight
It has been about 3 weeks since my last gym foray
I am not looking forward to the results of my neglect
If I go I will hurt tomorrow
If I don’t I will feel terrible about myself
What to do… what to do

4 Things

There are four things that I want to convey to you today.

Thing the first: Wifey is heading out of town for the week. She is getting trained in some sort of talk-fu so she can help facilitate difficult conversations in business environments. Her week is going to be nutso busy. The schedule of events that they sent her has her day starting at 8:30 and ending 13 hours later… every day of the training. Little Man and I will be living up the bachelor’s life this week. Living it up, I say. Actually, it will not be terribly bad until Thursday and Friday. That is about as much as his tolerance of just me will survive. It is late in the week when the Mimma cavalry will need to charge.

I think I will need to plan a bit better for this Wifey absence. Last time I really had not thought of a menu or gone grocery shopping. I need to spend some of my lunch hour today getting all my ducks in a row. It will run much smoother with me and Little Man if I have a game plan this time. I hate having to plan for this sort of stuff.

Thing the second: I am surprised by my lack of crispiness. The fam was not outside for terribly long yesterday (about 1.5 hours), but the sun I saw was an intense one. My forehead and thinning hairline should by all rights be beat red, and yet it is not. Miracles never cease.

Thing the third: The pecking order in Little Man’s world currently goes:
Number 1: Mimma
Number 2: Trains
Number 3: Papa
Number 4: Wifey

At least I am coming in at number 3 (ergo “Thing the third,” sometimes I do think these things out). Wifey and I switch positions fairly often. I imagine after Wifey being gone for a week and Little Man and I butting heads for a week, she will take the number 3 position from me Saturday morning.

As far as the number 2 position goes, for some unexplainable reason, trains still command his attention. He talks about them in his sleep, he reminds us of the trains we have seen recently in our daily conversations. If we are not talking about something he is interested in, he will start asking questions about trains. I imagine conversations between Wifey and I go something like this in his head.

Me: Blah blah blah boring boring boring not talking about trains blah boring blah boring blah BORING
Wifey: Gibber gibber gibber prattle prattle not talking about trains either flipperty flubbity gibber gibber
Little Man: Remember Norfolk Southern from last night? It was a short train! /insert insane 3.75 year old cackling laughter/ It a funny short train!

Sometimes this ploy at altering the course of conversation works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

His number 1 is Mimma. She has a hard time telling Little Man “No,” so she is clearly his favorite. I don’t want to make it seem like she doesn’t have other redeeming qualities that a 3.75 year old wouldn’t like, but I think the crux of her number 1 position is her lack of boundaries with him.

Thing the fourth: There is some sort of mental block going on right now with me and the checkbook. For some reason, I am just not wanting to put our receipts together in the check register. I am not sure what that is about, but it is becoming a problem. Right now, Wifey and I only have a vague notion of how much money we have at our beck and call, and for some reason I am just unwilling to discipline myself and work on the checkbook weekly. I need to get through that wall, whatever it may be.

To recap:
I also need to clean the bathroom again
It is a sty
I am off to the airport to drop off Wifey in about 1 minutes
I miss her already
I can’t believe the EPL season is over
20 Questions Tuesday: 42 – Feelings
Wow, this is a weak recap
Weak like “Don’t bring that weak ass game if you can’t play”
I will endeavor to have better recaps for the rest of the week
It is my mission

More information

I have found out that since starting this blog I have stopped emailing friends with actual information about my life. My emails now tend toward the annoying and obtuse. Why some of my emails are no more than me sending out the equivalent of a swimming pool “Marco” awaiting the inevitable “Polo” response from the deep end. The last email conversation I had with one arbitrarily hypothetical friend boiled down to:

Me: Meetings suck
Arbitrarily Hypothetical Friend: I know
Me: And how?
AHF: You know it.
Me: Uh-huh!
AHF: You Bet
Me: There weren’t even snacks
AHF: Poor thing
Me: You know it.
AHF: Uh-huh!
Me: You bet …

In effect I have allowed this blog to be the de facto information superhighway of the significant events in my life. I figure, why should I email them the events of my life, they are reading the blog, they know what’s going on with me, Wifey, and Little Man? I detail my entire life in meticulous detail with this online record of my existence. How could one feel they were left wanting when they have this glorious repast of “Under Construction” awaiting them for their greedy consumption? “How?” I ask you, “How?”

Then I read through a bunch of my posts yesterday and realized something. Other than being narcissistic and taking great satisfaction in reading my own “work” I realized that those poor friends of mine whom I thought were getting all this information about my life were really just getting glimpses into my disturbed mind. Then I realized that I was thirsty, but that is beside the point. The point is, I owe some long expository emails to these friends of mine letting them know some more of the nitty gritty details that I purposefully omit in my posts. I don’t want to give my Internet stalkers any more information than necessary. Don’t get me wrong, the info is out there, I just want the stalkers to work for it. They will be more satisfied that way. So much more satisfied.

Of the almost 525 posts I have made most have such inconsequential merit, that really they are not worth mentioning. This post included. I guess I owe some folk some emails beyond the typical “Oooh! Free work pizza” emails they typically receive.

To recap:
I write a shit ton that has not one lick of consequence
Not sure what Little Man and I will partake of for dinner tonight
I am sure it won’t be good for me
“Oooh! Free work pizza” should be translated in the second person imperative sense
Makes me seem more badass
Saving poor pizzas from fascist gulags
I could do with some free pizza at the moment
I guess some crackers will have to do

10 Things

10 Things from the weekend.

Thing the first: Little Man was tired of me by this weekend

Most often heard phrases from Little Man from Thursday night on through Sunday afternoon.

Where Mama?
When Mama home?
Mama be back in the morning?
Mama home soon?
Is Mim coming over?
No, I stay with Mim today.

Thing the second: Wifey is still exhausted from the weekend

It seems that a conference that starts at 7 am and does not finish until 8-9 pm is “tiring,” especially when the conference is all about having difficult conversations. Add to her weariness the fact that she then went to have drunken conversations with folk afterward. Throw into the mix her slumber party-esque late night conversations with ZingerZapper and her inability to deal with a rather minor “sleep debt.” The final result is a woman who goes to sleep Sunday night at 7 pm even though she hadn’t seen her family in 3.5 days.

Thing the third: Fulham Football Club is stinking up the joint

They just should not be in the relegation battle. They should be a mid-table team not a bottom feeder. No wins in the last 10 games begs to differ with me. Volz? WTF??!?!?

Thing the fourth: The Crew finally win one

Sure they had to rely on a 87 year old full-back to put it in, (I am looking at you forwards!) but a win is a win is a win. And maybe we should look at killing the clock when there is less than 10 minutes of play left guys. That corner with 15 minutes left should have been a look at goal.

Thing the fifth: Yeah, I just gave out 2 soccer references

I like soccer, what can I say?

Thing the sixth: I have a hard time sleeping without Wifey there

It just is not comfortable without her there. She has a sleeping presence, while snorty, that is quite comfortable and absolutely necessary for my own sonorous slumber.

Thing the seventh: I am completely unmotivated to do stuff

I mean anything. This weekend I had plenty of “opportunity” to do laundry, clean, etc… of which I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada.

Thing the eighth: California Piza Kitchen is a Mimma and Little Man thing

I went to CPK with Mim and Little Man on Saturday, and I have never ever felt so much like a 5 th wheel. They have their experience there down to a science and I was not a welcome addition. Really, I think it would have been better for all involved had I NOT been there. I am saying this from the stand point of finding it absolutely hilarious. Poor poor Mim, I was not allowed help him even a little bit, even when I was done eating he would not let me help him. CPK is their thing.

Thing the ninth: I am rather tired of Orange Rice

Friday night was our weekly installment of Orange Rice. IT is something that we have nearly every week. I am soooooo tired of it. This time I made it with ground turkey and Penzy’s “Buttermilk Ranch Dressing” mix. There is no dairy in it and it ranches things up really nicely. I know those are minor twists, but it needed a twist. I wish we could start spacing the meal out more than weekly and at most bi-weekly, but Little Man loves it and that really is all that matters.

Thing the tenth: I am surprised I made it to nine

Really, I usually struggle to think of 3 things that happened over the weekend. The fact that I came up with a solid 8 and a weak 10 is pretty amazing.

To recap:
I have work I am completely ignoring right now
I have non-work stuff that I am completely ignoring right now
Basically I am all about the ignoring right now
La la la la la I’m not listening!!!
Where was I?
Oh Yes, recapping
Ummm, noty much to recap about
Tomorrow’s 20 questions will be about sound
It should be good
I know I am looking forward to it
No really
If it means not doing stuff I am supposed to be doing
Zinger Zapper asked Wifey to "feel her tumor" this weekend
She never asks me to "feel her tumor"

In the Barrel

Here is the deal. I know I can survive the long weekend as a single parent with the Little Man. I have done this before and I know I will do it again. The process, on the surface, is an easy one. I merely have to keep Little Man alive for 3 nights and 3 days until Wifey gets back from her weekend long workshop. The problem is that I am in the barrel right now.

In the bar·rel (in thuh ba’ruhl): n, the state of being the most wanted parent for all mundane activities.

Yep, I am in the barrel. If Little Man wants some juice, Little Man wants papa to get him the juice. If Little Man needs to poop, Little Man wants Papa to wipe his butt. If Little Man wants “chickies,” he wants them lovingly prepared by yours truly. I am most definitely in the barrel! SRH = “In the barrel”

Please don’t take this as boasting, for Wifey is not even remotely jealous of my being in the barrel. In fact she finds it pretty funny. She has been in the barrel before. She knows what it entails. She also knows that, God willing, she will be in the barrel again at some point in the future. Her barrel-time was lucky enough to be when Little Man was not into soo many things that were sandboxy. She was unlucky enough to be in the barrel when she was still breastfeeding. If we are keeping score, I guess I am still winning. While I have to watch everything Little Man does in the sandbox and comment positively on all of his minor sandboxish feats, I do not have to deal with the boy as a parasite leaching all nutrients from my body. I try to suffer in silence, but it turns out that I am a whiner, so silence eludes you during my torment. Ergo my whining about the impending weekend to you, my dear dear Internet aquaintances.

This weekend shall entail many a trip to the kitchen to get juice. For Little Man does enjoy his juice. Basically, I expect Little Man to be all up in my grill all weekend long. All. Weekend. Long. Me and Little Man with no space between us, for 3 full days.

Mimma will spell me for a bit, but she cannot keep him from burrowing under me whilst we sleep. Little Man tends to burrow. He is definitely his mother’s child in that way. She is all contacty and burrowy while she sleeps as well. I am more of the don’t touch me whilst I am sleeping kind of sleeper. Anyway… back to the whine at hand. I will have minimal independent time this weekend and I guess that is just how it is supposed to be.

To Recap:
Wifey drops Little man off at pre-school tomorrow and then doesn’t see him until Sunday afternoon
I think I will weep at her return
I am sure Little Man will be happy to see her as well
Wish me luck blogosphere
I am going to need it
More to the Increasingly Random Alphabet of SRH tomorrow

Weak and Tight

I am getting old. Yep, I am old.

How do I know that I am old? Well, it is pretty easy for me to tell.

You see, about 3 weeks ago, I started noticing some leg pain in my right hip. It would start out soon after I got to work and only go away after I had been home for a while. I could not trace the source of this achy pain. It was quite annoying. It didn’t bother enough to keep me from exercising. In fact I was able to increase my pace regularly on the elliptical and up my weights. The ache just did not seem to go away. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. It seemed that once my day really started to get going, my right hip just started to ache, and it wasn’t until my day was done and I was dressed for bed (yes, I dress for bed you naughty people) that the hip stopped bothering me. Lather, rinse, repeat. Day in day out for nigh on 3 weeks my hip was killing me slowly.

OK, before anyone jumps to conclusions, I am not about to announce I have a tumor a la everyone wifey knows at the moment. No tumors here… of which I am aware.

OK, back to my story of agedness. I realized one fine morning as I sat down to drive me car to work that in that moment my hip started to ache. In fact, all day long I noticed that my hip really hurt more whilst I was seated. On the drive home I took out my wallet and placed it on the passenger seat of the car.

OH! SWEET! RELIEF!

My hip magically stopped aching. My days are now brighter and less full of Advil. Before anyone thinks my wallet is all plush phat with the Benjamins, I want to remind all of you that as a cartographer I am not living high off the hog with massive amounts of cashola in my pockets… /begin chest thumping: not that I don’t bring home the bacon, cause you know I bring it to tha house old skool. /end chest thumping. Turns out my wallet was really not that full of anything. I did do some minor wallet clean-up but only found 3 cards that were not everyday useful. I rarely if ever have cash on me. I only have 1 credit card other than my bank card. I have the keyless card entry for my work. I have a grocery rewards program card, 3 insurance cards, and about 6 pictures of Little Man. All in all, it was not a super fatty wallet. The issue is that I have weak and tight hips that do not like bending, flexing, or torsion… and I am slowly getting older… day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second…

To recap:
Thanks this weekend to ACW, KW, Nadolny, R, M and D, and Wifey for all your help this weekend getting the new slide out of the garage for Little Man
He absolutely loves the thing
He really likes the sandbox under it more than anything at the moment
Special thanks to Popo for helping to disassemble the monstrosity 3 weeks ago in the cold and snow
I owe you all
Popo, even more
Tomorrow is the continuation of the 20 Questions Tuesday’s Color topic
A glorious time will be had by all in the writing and the reading of the post

More than Juggling?

So this past week or so I have been juggling 6 different tasks simultaneously (aside from the typical duties associated within the normal parameters of my job and family life as both husband and father). It has been a struggle for my less than attentive and quite burned out self. I was able to cross 3 of the 6 off my list yesterday. It was a big day. The other I put to rest on Monday, but since I still had 5 things careening around my head, I figured it wasn’t worth crowing about. I am now happy to say that I have narrowed the field to juggling the merest of 2 things. This leads me to ask a very serious question…

Question: Doesn’t it take more than 2 things to really be considered juggling? When one has 2 things, one is simply carrying at that point, right? Technically, if I want to throw these 2 things from hand to hand I could, but that is not juggling, is it? I surmise that is takes at least 3 things being up in the air simultaneously for ones actions to truly be considered “juggling.”

At what point does it transcend from mere juggling into something much more grandiose? 6, 7, the first double digit – 10? One would assume a multiplicative principal would rule. At task number 6 in the air, one can add a modifier to “juggling,” like “hyper” or “mega.” Such that when one is doing 6 or more things out of the norm they are “hyper-juggling” or “mega-juggling.” (I think “hyper” works best in this case.) At 9 tasks, could it become “pre” something and at 10 could it be that new “something” other than juggling?

But what should that something be? I think I am going to need audience participation on this one. I looked at thesauri and there are no good words to substitute for more than juggling. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there is a fine line between juggling and dropping. I just don’t know what it is called when it is beyond juggling.

To recap:
I am breathing much easier with 4 of the 6 done
Now I can focus on the 2 remaining items
That I am no longer “juggling”
1 I might be dropping
But we will see if I can catch it before it hits the ground
Getting Little Man to go for a walk last night was like herding a bunch of cats
Except he didn’t bite and/or scratch me
And he LOVED the walk because he got to see 2 trains
Going in opposite directions
He talked about it for hours
Hours after his bedtime, mind you
But hours none the less
One of the engineers waved at him
The other didn’t
I almost threw a rock at him
He would have deserved it
Oh, he would have deserved it
I await your answers in comments

Pants

Start Meta-posting -->
I came up with a great idea for a post this weekend. It was super great really, but it involved me getting pictures of Little Man in some very specific legwear (not chaps you sickos, and not “not chaps” for you even more sickos). Alas and alack, the camera was uncharged and the laundry was undone, so the post- with real pictures- is not to be. So without further ado… the post that would have been better with a real pic, but I doctored some up to prove the point. <-- End Meta Posting

While looking through the laundry this weekend, or sorting it, if you will, I noticed that there are many similarities in our respective wardrobes. We have similar shorts. We have some similar shirts. He has waaay more dinosaur shirts than I do though. The thing that really was noticeable though was the preponderance of red pants that Little Man owns. He has at least 4 pairs of red pants. I have none. I am quite okay with not owning any red leg wear though because I realized something upon noticing this dearth of red pants in my wardrobe. Red pants are not acceptable leg attire for men. I am not sure where the age break is for the red pant rule, but there is clearly a red pant age rule.

On kids, red pants are cool. Some women can get away with wearing red pants. Men can’t. I can live with that. I prove my point below.

Cool: Look at how happy free and fun Little Man is in his stunning red pants. He is carefree and fancy free as he jogs on a friend's couch.

Uncool: I look like I am wearing parachute pants circa 1983. I would clearly be uncomfortable in this gawdy attire. My belly is all bloated circa 2006-2007 though. Get to the gym, Tubby!

To recap:
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday will be about color
I have a presentation tomorrow
It is only half done
I really need to get moving on it
I have 2 active projects right now
I have a presentation tomorrow
I have an artistic cartography portfolio to get together
I have some other art I need to finalize
I have waaaaay too much on my plate right now
My days need to be 36 hours this week
They are still only 24 hours long
No matter how much I push and pull them
Most colored pants are taboo for men unless they are participating in a sporting event
Back to the grind

No red pants were harmed in the making of this post

Helloo?

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Short post alert!
This post is a short one.
BEGINNING SHORT POST NOW
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This happens to me more often than one would think

Cell phone rings and Wifey’s cell number flashes across the screen.

Me: Hey, Babe.
Wifey: Oops, called the wrong number.
Me: Again?
Wifey: Yep, gotta go. I need to make a phone call.
Me: Okay… um… love you, bye.
Wifey: Love you too, gotta go!
*//click//*

Ummm…

To recap:
I will do something about some letter tomorrow
Really, at least once a week I get the “whoops” call
Sometimes more
Not sure what we are having for dinner tonight
Probably leftovers

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ENDING SHORT POST NOW
Thank you for reading this Short Post
We will bring you back to normal length posting tomorrow.
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Attention

Ever have one of those days where you just are not able to focus on anything for even the remotest amount of time? The days when your attention scampers away like a wild rabbit hopped up on goofballs. You know, the days where you find yourself staring for long minutes at the industrial “fabric” that makes up cube walls. The days where merely focusing on the job at hand takes monumental effort.

I tend to call them weekdays.

I am currently in the middle of a week chalk full of weekdays. Yes, yes, I know that weeks are by definition full of weekdays, but I don’t want to hear your semantic arguments. I wouldn’t be able to listen to them for long anyway. I mentioned how distractible I am at the moment, right? Yep, the attention does not have so much of a span today. I am not sure as to why my meager at best abilities to keep on task have decided to call in sick for the week, but that they clearly have vacated the premises is not in dispute. They have left and not given a forwarding address.

I don’t even have the focusing energy to push through a losing game of spider solitaire. That is saying something and that something is not positive. In fact, one would have to categorize that “something” as decidedly negative. Well, at least it would be negative for me, and, really, for this blog’s purpose, that is what really matters.

While getting things ready for various projects I have found my mind wandering un-tethered willy-nilly. This un-tethered willy-nilly random wandering has led me to my oft-too-often used literary crutch of over-hyphenating. Luckily it has not caused me to rely on my other crutch of adding un-necessary and superfluously-redundant suffixes to already suffixed words. My favorite of the spurious suffixes is “-ish.” How could one not like to add “-ish?” It implies a certain level of ambiguity to anything, and in my line of work (covering my ass) ambiguity saves.

But I digress, the point of this post is to illustrate how illusory my attention is currently. Why just a second ago you were reading about my “literary” crutches, but we all know that I am not literal. Again, here we are in a semantic conundrum. The circle is now complete. When I met you, I was but the learner. Now, I am the master… Wait, that is a completely different completed circle.

Authors Note: What I have discovered whilst writing this post is that it becomes increasingly more difficult to describe a lack of ability without becoming repetitive with phrasing. Sure the subject matter is merely a rehashing of the same idea, but it is more and more difficult to walk the fine line of being whimsically redundant without being blatantly repetitive.

To recap:
Tomorrow I will add to the ever more Random Alphabet of SRH
I am sure it will be very educational for all involved
Dinner was really nice last night
Late, but nice
We have gone from a high of 80° F (26.67° C) to a high of almost 40° F (4.44° C) this afternoon
Ah, spring in Ohio
Yes, I realize I did not convert the temperature to Kelvin for the vast number of physicists who read this blog
I figured they could convert it themselves with their amazingly focusable minds
Little Man was not pleased to wear long pants this morning
“Where my shorts!” he was wont to ask repeatedly