My dentist is a needy needy black hole of need

My dentist is a great dentist, I just think they are a bit overzealous or something.

I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon; they made me schedule this appointment 6 months ago. Just like they make me do every time I go to the dentist. About 3 weeks ago, they called to see if I could drop in to do an appointment because the dentist had an opening. Number 1: Who drops in for a dental appointment? Ooh, ooh can I poke the sleeping bear with the pointy stick, can I? and Number 2: Is the dentist really the person that spends the most time with me during my dental visit? I see the actual dentist for, at most, 5 minutes. Let's be clear, the dental hygienist is the one who's schedule needs an opening. They are the ones who scrape and poke and prod your teeth, use the whirring tooth polisher with its gritty foul tasting glop. They are the people who focus on you for around 30 minutes. The dentist, unless you are getting a filling, looks at your mouth and says, "Yep, still got teeth." or "Ooh, gonna have to make an appointment for me to do some painful things to your mouth."

So, I did not take them up on their offer of an early detal exam. So, yesterday they left a message on the house's voicemail asking me to call and let them know that I am coming to me appointment

"me appointment?" Good Lord, I stop paying direct attention for a second and I start typing like I am a pirate. What the hell I will go with it

on the morrow, arrrgh. I says to me woman, I's do, "Arrgh, Woman! Why's do tha scurvy bastards at the teethery needs me to call them for a meetin' they mades me set up a summer ago? I understands if they be callin' me to reminds them that I gots the appointment, but whys do they be needin' me to call'em back.?" oh yeah "Arrgh!"

Okay enough of the pirate.

Anyway... On top of that, they want me to bring in a listing of all medications that I am currently one. (I will use the numbering system again; it seems to be an effective form of showing my incredulity) Number 1: The list is too long and too varied to bring in. It would take forever and a day for me to compile the list of legal and illegal substances coursing through my veins at the moment. Or maybe I could all 2 of them down and give it to them which leads me to... Number 2: What the Hell does my dentist need to know about my medications? It is none of my dentist's business if I am taking medications, how does this affect tooth decay? Focus on the teeth dental person.

I am fairly certain that we will have a message from the dentist's office again on the home voicemail. They seem to call us a whole bunch. Maybe they are lonely.

Hey, where's the white death?

Firstly: My wife wanted me to mention to all that I have changed the setting to allow anyone to post a reply to this blog. It was a setting buried deep within the blog's settings that I did not know about when I first set this thing up. So, now, if you want to post a reply, you do not have to be a member of "Blogger" to do so. Of course, if you are working for the same people that I am working for, you will not be able to reply at all due to our surf Nazi program. For some reason it equates posting a response to going into a "chat channel." Whatever, I don't want hear what you people say anyway.

Secondly: On to today's topic...

It seems that the weather models predicted way more snow here than actually landed. We were warned about 17 feet of snow with polar bears and yetis attacking people who ventured outside, but we got 4 inches of snow over the course of 48 hours instead. Oh well, I was getting geared up for taking on a yeti. One of these days I will wear a yeti as a coat. Oh yes, I will wear a yeti as a coat. A warm coat of yeti fur will be my protection from the elements. So it shall be written, so it shall be done. Maybe the next computer predicted snowstorm will actually produce yetis for the slaying. Oh well...

So we dodged the white death one more time. Even though we dodged the snow that just beat the crap out of the Northeast, most of the schools around here are either closed today or delayed in their start. I assume it is due to the cold temperatures, because the roads are fairly clear and pretty much ice free. Or are teachers just not that hearty? Granted they do have a job that is the equivalent of herding cats, but their work year is 1/4 th shorter than other professionals. The shortened time frame, should make up for the constant head ache of dealing with children. Then again, it could just be that the principals don't like getting up in cold cold winter mornings. I say, "Suck it up, Buttercup, no one likes getting up on cold cold mornings."

Okay enough bitterness from me, I have work that needs to get done anyway.

Shake it up

I just thought that I would shake up the formatting in a minor rather superficial way. It is fresh it is new it is just a tad different from the other color scheme.

Just been working hard today getting small stuff done. A little of Project A, a mote of Project B, an ort of Project C, a mite of Project D, skipping Project E, and a heaping hearty healthy portion of Project F. It pays the bills. I have gotten a little bit of flack from co-workers about not having this up-dated earlier in the day, but, I have been working for my job, so I don't really feel I need to explain further. Most of them have been buried today as well. That and I like being a wanted commodity. I cannot believe so many people are interested in my insipid musings. It really is quite flattering, as long as the interest is not in that "sociological experiment" kind of way.

Turns out that the white death will be upon us again. The forecasters are predicting something like 17 feet of snow with 6 inches of ice spikes sticking out of the ground for clumsy winter walkers to impale themselves on. What is funny is that the forecasters really do not forecast like they used to. It used to be a seat of the pants educated judgment made by the highly trained individual by observing current and recent conditions. They made their predictions form that. Now it is all computer modeled simulations. They look at the simulation and make their "predictions." What we see on TV is more of a play-by-play of the simulations. I am not saying that meteorologists are not highly trained and educated individuals. My masters degree program was closely associated with an atmospheric sciences curriculum. Very intelligent people, very intelligent indeed. That being said, the people on TV are typically not the cream of the crop. The creme de la creme are working for NOAA, NWS, or in research universities staying behind the scenes making the modeling software that the TV guys use.

So, due to the impending blizzard conditions, I am going to be going to the store to get water, bread, canned goods, frozen food, and other staples for survival. I want to be well fed when the white apocalypse lays waste to Central Ohio. I will need to be at my best to drive back the throngs of near death, starving, frozen denizens of the Columbus Ice Sheet. I am fairly sure we are gearing up for another epoch of continental glaciations.

Sometimes I wish I had an exciting life

This blog would be much more memorable if I had an exciting life, but I do not. It would be much easier to come up with topics if something other than everyday things happened to me on a regular basis. But everyday stuff is all I have so here goes....

So far, the elves are taking a break today in their incessant digging operations in my forehead, so hopefully I can concentrate a bit more coherently today. That is, of course, assuming that my lack of recent concentration ability is a direct result of the Faerie excavation crews lodged in my skull. Either they are conducting a psychological experiment or an archeological dig, but I have yet to figure out which. With this lull in Elvin activity, one would think that I might be able to produce a cogent thought, but one would be wrong. Today I have nothing. Absolutely nothing, zip, zilch, nada, rien, bumpkiss, the big goose egg, zero, nichts, zilch, oh wait I already did "zilch," hmmmm okay I am out of these synonyms...

The most interesting thing from yesterday was a nearly fruitless search for a lid for left-overs. It is amazing how we can retain almost every container, and yet almost all of the lids have uprooted and left. Well, they make cling wrap for a reason, and oddly enough, it is not for insulation, but that is a different story. I am sure the lids are somewhere playing cards with all my missing sock pairs.

Turns out, as I was corrected by a friend, that the Mennonite Consortium is not intimidating the Quakers. Actually (as they call themselves) the "Religious Society of Friends" are pretty much as badass as one can be and still claim to be pacifists. They are not afraid to put the full might of their non-violent ways to bear on the Mennonites, and those Chin-Beards are a bit scared by the prospect of a "Friendly Circle of Ass-kicking." Thanks for the correction. I am a big enough person to admit when I am wrong.

Splitting headache

Have you ever had one of those headaches that feel like tiny elves are trying to break out of your skull using dull and inappropriate digging equipment? Well, that is the headache that I am dealing with at the moment. Having the Elvin headache has really bit into my ability to effectively work at my job. Stupid tiny elves and their tiny inane digging implements.

Speaking of mythical creatures, the 7 dwarves in particular, how much better would life be if we all had names that derived from our actions a la Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy, etc... I could see job interviews being much quicker, as Bossy weeds through resumes from Lazy, Slothful, Greedy, Over-Rated, and Inappropriate. I am sure he would focus instead on Industrious, Innovative, Effective, and Kiss-Up. With this naming convention, I am fairly sure that Asshat would not have gotten very far. All in all I think I would get tired of being known as Caustic though, so maybe it is not a good idea, but being known as Caustic would be better than Farty.

So today's post seemed to derail before it even got started. Well, that is the way of nasty headaches caused by excavating elves.

As an up-date, the little one is doing much better today, as well as doing pretty well yesterday. Now all he has to do is gain back some of the weight that he lost during the illness that most people called December.

On another note, so far the Mennonite Consortium has not put a hit out on me yet, and I stress the word "yet." I am sure that soon enough I will have some chin bearded assassin tailing me home from work. Well, let me just say that I am on to you Hezekiah, so you and Jebediah need to just back off. I am sure that the Mennonites are unhappy about my outing them as the bad boys of outside the main stream Christian sects. Lets just say that the Quakers are quaking for good reason. I think I might have said too much now.

MLK Day

For some this is a holiday, for others, like myself, it is a Monday. I so do not want to be at work today, but work does pay the bills, and bills need to be paid. This day means so little to most people. It is a day to not go to work, to school, to where ever.

Funny enough, in the not so funny "hmmm" sort of way, MLK Jr's birthday oddly occurs on the same day as Robert E. Lee. I know in Alabama there was a constant "joke," if it can be called that, surrounding the idea that in actuality MLK Day was an excuse to celebrate Robert E. Lee's birthday. But we all know how big of a cultural behemoth and intellectual giant everyone considers Alabama. They may, and I stress may, be thought of more highly than Mississippi, but that is about it.

Oooh, I probably made Alabamians mad again. Oh well. Luckily most Alabamians are afraid of leaving the state, so I do not have to worry about any sort of retaliation. That, and they would need to be Internet capable to see this blight on their state's good name. Making fun of Alabama in a web-blog, is about as dangerous as making fun of the Amish. They are never going to know that they were made fun of. That being said... trust me, you can make fun of the Amish, just be careful about those Mennonite sons of bitches. They are some nasty mf's. They feel just fine throwing down their "vengeance from God" arbitrarily and capriciously. And if one were to give them reason, let's just say it would not be pretty.

Oh well, my company is not paying me to be here to whine about being here, they are paying me to act like I am working on a project. So, off I go to act like I am working.

Off Topic

Got nothing today, but I figured I could blather on about something.

Number 1: I don't usually have an opinion about the royals but wtf?!? Harry, Harry, Harry. I hope your handler got sacked for letting you attend that party in an Afrika Corps uniform. For the love of God and all that is holy, did no one ever sit you down and talk to you about the application of common sense? All you have to do is not something stupid, and yet you seem to mess that up all too frequently.

Hey, royal wranglers, don't let that child go out anymore. Turn one of the lesser country estates into a big night club, import some partiers, and let Harry party there. Get him as many loose British rave chicks as he wants, some "x" if he wants it, marijuana, beer, liquor, etc... and take some control of where and how this child behaves. You cannot keep him from partying, just take control of the parties. Give the kid his excesses, just keep him from doing his stupid stuff in uncontrolled environments.

Number 2: ro·ta·vi·rus (rO-tah-vI-rus)n. pl. ro·ta·vi·rus·es : Any of a group of wheel-shaped RNA viruses of the family Reoviridae, including the human gastroenteritis viruses that cause infant diarrhea. Also called gastroenteritis virus type B.

That is what the doctor seems to think the little one has had since 12-27-04. Says that it lasts anywhere from 5 days to 3 weeks. Well, we are on 2 1/2 weeks, so here's to hoping it is coming to an end. Little man has been vomiting every night between the hours of 11pm and 4 am for 2 1/2 weeks as well as having some nasty ass poo during the days. Sent some poop out for tests, and most likely the lab will be able to tell us what the big man just got over. Here's to hoping.

Number 3: Why can't we just let sleeping cheese lie? Okay, for the last time. I do not dislike cheese, I dislike the over usage of cheese in the US. Too much of anything is bad, this applies to cheese as well.

Number 4: Got Milk? I hate the fact that the American Dairy Council has somehow talked non-Caucasians into doing their ad campaign. Caucasians have a mutated gene that allows them to ingest cow's milk and process lactose. Everyone else in the world has difficulty with cow's milk. As adults, many Caucasians cannot effectively digest lactose as well. The dairy industry is subsidized by the US government and therefore milk and cheese is made into a mandatory food stuff in the US.

Since my little boy is allergic to dairy, I have had time to think about the whole concept of using a cow as a wet nurse. Humans should not suckle off the teat of another animal. I will continue drinking my soy milk, thank you very much. I have found it amazing just how pervasive dairy products are within the US diet. Dairy byproducts such as whey and caisin are additives found in a whole heckuva lot of food products. It is absolutely mind numbing what one can find out about food, just by reading the ingredients listings. I am positive that most of the dairy byproducts found in foods are there because of the government subsidation of the dairy industry.

Stupid dairy.

Mixed reviews

It has come to my attention that my "Cheese Post" has had a polarizing effect on my readership. Some people love cheese and all things cheesy, and others find the amount of cheese use in the US to be, in fact, over use. I have gotten into many a conversation since the 11th about cheese with various readers of this blog. The split is about 50% for and against my take on cheese consumption in the US. Whether you agree with me or not, at least you are talking avidly and openly about cheese.

I have done what I was hoping for; a more open dialog about the cheese situation in these United States of America. I don't profess to have the answers to humankind’s cheese woes, I just am a single person spouting off my singular cheese opinion. I hope that at dinner tables across my varied and diverse readership cheese conversations are popping up. "Can you believe the 'Under Construction' on the 11th? I cannot believe that that silly bastard doesn't like cheese on every thing...." or "Huzzah and kudos to 'Under Construction' for so eloquently arguing against the over consumption of and over reliance on cheese in the US..." Either conversation gets the ball rolling, and that is what is important.

Communication of ideas and opinions is the only way we, as a people, will ever truly understand each other. Some people's ideas regarding smoked Gouda on a 9 grain bread with roasted turkey breast and bacon don't match what other people think about the same exact sandwich. the only way these people will ever be able to reconcile their differences is to talk about them.

So, I commend you, my readership, for having your frank open dialog regarding cheese. This is the way that understanding is achieved, through communication. Communication about cheese.

No rest for the wicked

I never truly thought that I was wicked, but it turns out that I most likely am. I come to this conclusion due to my inherent lack of rest. Since, "There is no rest for the wicked" and since I do not feel rested, by the transitive property, am I therefore wicked.

Clearly this is a logical leap, since, most assuredly, the populations of un-rested and wicked are not mutually exclusive. There are people out there who have not rested for a long long time and are not considered to be wicked, but by the definition stated above, if I am indeed wicked, I am un-rested. So, I am just playing the odds.

Since I unabashedly choose funny over nice, I do not think that I can say that I am truly a nice person. I can live with that. Years of therapy have allowed me to accept the fact that I will choose funny over nice, and years of choosing funny over nice has effectively surrounded me with people who in some way, shape, or form support that trend in my personality. So, if in fact I am not nice, I could be wicked.

But to call myself truly wicked would be a bit off the mark as well. I have never kicked a kitten in the rain, and there have been opportunities to do so (It would not have been that funny). A truly wicked person would have booted kitty into a puddle in the middle of a thunderstorm. I guess this gets down to the idea of people either being wicked or not being wicked. It is a bivariate argument, and I am tacitly against bivariate logic.

So the more I explore this idea of wicked = un-rested, the more I realize that this saying is a bivariate statement. If one is rested, one cannot be wicked, because all wicked have no rest. Bivariate sucks. It is a purely western philosophy issue. Bivariateness stems directly from Greek and Roman systems of thinking. Yes or No, Black or White, This or That. Why can't I be somewhat wicked and therefore somewhat un-rested? Put that in your thinking pipe and smoke it, Procrates.

So, what I am getting at is that multivariate systems of logic are much more true to life than bivariate systems of logic and choice. The more choices one has, the closer the approximation to reality, the more refined the system. Lets say that my choices are now wicked, somewhat wicked, and not wicked. Being somewhat wicked gives me the distinct possibility of actually having achieved some rest, whereas being wicked does not afford me that luxury. I can live with that. Simply adding a third choice has made this system of choice a better system.

So, in conclusion, the 2 party electoral system sucks, we need more candidates to vote for so we are not just voting for a team name, but for the ideology behind the candidate.

Saaaaaay Cheese

Cheese is the crutch of most mediocre cooking. Don't have enough flavor, throw some cheese on it. I truly believe that cheese is the miracle ingredient that un-imaginative cooks consistently rely on. Cheese will make it better, I am sure of it. I will put a cheese topping on this casserole. Why?!?!? A good meal should not have to involve cheese, but in the US cheese seems to be a necessity of every freaking meal. And not good cheeses, either, usually crappy-assed American cheese. Because we, as Americans, have to support our cheese, even though it is crappy-ass-tastin-licious. The worst offender of the "It has to have cheese on it to be an entree" mentality is Everybody's favorite neighbor Applebee’s. The will melt cheese on steak! Steak! Do you hear me? Steak!

Now, don't go thinking that I do not condone the judicious use of cheese. I do not want the US Dairy Council Illuminati to be stuffing a sock in my mouth while I sleep and abducting me to their secret cheese torture facility in Kenosha, Wis. Although, I am afraid that I know too much already. I think that cheese is a very good food stuff, it just should not be on everything. Every pre-packed kids lunch in the grocery store has cheese in it. Most frozen dinners, cheese. Cheese has its place at the table. Some pastas require cheese, but please use Parmesan Oregiano, not Kraft Parmesan cheese from the green canister. Or use a good provolone, asiago, Gouda, something other than Swiss or American.

On a side note, anyone who says they like goat cheese is lying. They just want you to eat so they don't feel so silly for eating it themselves. "This is the best goat cheese I have ever had," is not a ringing endorsement. "This is the least smelly dog-shit I have ever stepped in." It is all relativity, baby "I am the coolest of all my friends," still not saying much.

Back to the matter at hand... Caesar salad requires cheese. Philly Cheesesteak sandwich requires cheese. Pizza requires cheese. Breakfast, however, does not require cheese. But, Sweet God Almighty, don't ask wait staff to not put cheese on something. The looks I get from waiters and waitresses when I ask for stuff without cheese.

"Really, sir, 'no cheese.'"
"Yes, no cheese."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"No, Really?"
"Yes."

And, it is even worse today, due to the low-carb insanity. Carbs are filler, and now cheese is as well.

Kraft singles ain't cheese. Kraft singles is at best cheese flavored grease with a threshold for an acceptable amount of insect pieces. Squeeze cheese, ain't cheese. (God, I hope no one tries to argue that one.) Cheese should just not be "squeezable." Even people who like it know that spray cheese ain't cheese. And don't even get me started about Velveta. That is some mysterious stuff. "It's really easy to melt." Well, so are candles, but I don't try to make people eat them.

and finally, even worse, ... I do not want your artificial curdled milk product ruining my meal, so, please, Wendy's, leave off the cheese sauce (worse than cheese by far). Why do your mushrooms have to come with hideous "cheddar" cheese sauce? I would rather eat my tortilla chips plain, than that glop they throw next to it that they call "nacho cheese" at sporting events.

Stupid cheese

Dead to the world

It has been a wild past 3 days. "Wild" is defined as "oh, God I am going to shrivel up and die ‘cause I am soooo sick."

It absolutely has to be food poisoning. Imodium works all the time on normal bugs. It did not even put a dent into this illness. I went through my 24 hour max dosage in 20 minutes 3 days in a row. That just ain't right.

Oddly enough, even though I have only eaten 1 meal in 3 days I am not even remotely hungry. I have been drinking Gatorade like it is going out of style, and I think it might be, but so far my one foray into solid food was a big big big mistake. I think it put me back about 24 hours in my recovery. I am sick, I am exhausted, I have not accrued very much PTO, I am in Hell. On a side note, I am on the poop every 20 minutes weight loss program.

It's about time... on the Ranch

Oddly enough, there is no difference today than there really was on Friday. All that is really different is now I have to be vigilant about using "05" on dates. Time is an unbroken continuum; we segment it into little quantifiable units for the ease of our use. What is a second, a minute, and hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a century, etc... Those are human constructs to help us understand the passage of time. Time is all relative and our perceptions of it differ from person to person. Time is a very personal thing. For me, the day might be dragging by at a snail's pace, but for someone else, it could be flying by. Both perceptions are correct. I guess, in a convoluted sort of way, I am leading up to a big old "Happy New Year."

Anyway... enough waxing philosophic.

As a quick aside, is there a better secondary condiment than ranch dressing, and not that fancy ass ranch dressing with parmesan cheese, cucumber, and peppercorns. I am talking about nature's bounty called old style ranch dressing, the Hidden Valley Plain stuff. The stuff you can use as a veggie dip, sandwich flavoring, chip dip, pasta sauce, chicken nugget dipping sauce, meat topping in general, etc... The only condiment that is better is ketchup, and that is only because it is full of tomatoey goodness. Ranch is often futzed with, and shouldn't be. While I do love me some bacon, I do not think that Ranch Dressing should contain bacon in the bottle of dressing itself. Add bacon to the dressing, and you pretty much have a meal. Put ranch in Kraft Mac and Cheese (it's the faux cheesiest) and you have yourself a better meal. Throw some bacon in and it becomes a gourmet meal, Canadian bacon, and you have an international gourmet meal (unless, of course, you live in Canadia). I used to like Cool Ranch Doritos, but now I like tortilla chips dipped in ranch dressing (the way Cool Ranch was supposed to be). Ranch covers the food that ketchup cannot, and that is why I love me some ranch dressing. (and not that fat free crap, either. It ain't ranch if it can't clog some artery).

Lack of a creative center

I have come to the conclusion that I do not have a creative center in my life at the moment. I have no way of expressing any sort of creativity except for this blog. The blog does not completely count since I am not the best verbalizer I have ever met. I am much better with pencils or pen and ink, not so good with paints, and atrocious with 3-d stuff. I need to get back into drawing and sketching. It was always such a nice way of expressing myself whilst growing up. In college I did do a stint as an art major, and that really turned me off to the craft. Exactly the opposite of what I had expected the results of professional tutelage to be. It was an odd sensation to express myself in a classroom setting and then to subsequently be rated on my ability to convey an emotion. I vividly remember drawing the craptastic still life that the instructor had set out in at a pretty good level of detail. I was making sure that the lighting in my drawing was correct and that the shapes seemed to be around the same proportions that they were in real life, etc... Then this joker who was in my drawing group was sad, and ignored everything in the still life. He basically filled an entire page with black charcoal except for this one triangular shape of white. "Brilliant! Do you see the despair in this drawing? This is the way to capture emotion in charcoal..." etc... etc... imagine an art professor blathering on about ethos and tonal value while basically boiling his comments down to "I like lots of charcoal on paper, realism hurts." That was when I figured out that my style was not the same style as the art department at that particular higher education institution. Soon afterwards, I changed majors and finished college as soon as I could.

Now, it has been over 8 years since I have had the pleasure of doing any sort of creative drawing with any consistency, and I am hurting in my soul due to this. I need to get back into the habit of doodling, drawing, sketching, inking, whatever. This work stuff just ain't hacking it. So I guess in anticipation of tomorrow's post, I resolve to start actively trying to set aside time to draw. I am fairly positive that resolution will be trumped very quickly by the "I resolve to clean the bathroom regularly again" resolution, or the "Ooh, look something shiny" resolution.

tsunamis and intelligence

The death toll of The Pacific Ocean Tsunami is expected to reach a staggering 100,000+ without even adding in the massive amounts of deaths that will occur due to the illnesses that follow major disasters. It is absolutely mind boggling to think about the energy associated with that event. The 9.0 magnitude earthquake that preceded the tsunami was caused750 miles of fault-line moving 15 meters. That statistic in and of itself is mind numbing to say the least. This type of geologic activity reminds (should remind people) that we are tiny tiny tiny little specs on a very big area.

On to the meat of the matter....

I have not weighed into very many controversial subjects in this milieu prior to this, but I just feel that need to state for the record that the theory of Intelligent Design is a crock of horse-shit. It is a thinly veiled attempt to put Creationism back into the already laughed at by other developed nations US school systems. Anyone who states otherwise is lying. Teach Creationism in theology, teach about the differences between Darwinian Evolution and Creationism in social studies and history in the proper historical context, just don't try to teach it in any science class. If you absolutely need to, teach your steaming pile of poo in private, non-state funded schools. Let the nuns crack people on the back of their knuckles and blathering on about a big hand pushing pieces into place to make the humming bird better.

Honestly, I have no problem with someone believing that there is some kind of intelligence that is guiding life along its pathway. That is fine, that is dandy, bully for them and such... My problem lies with the forcing of a particular set of religions into our state sponsored education system. Intelligent design pre-supposes an entity or a set of entities guiding, cajoling, nudging, leading, coercing life down a pathway to greaterhood. This does not give with many current religions' version of the creation story. It does jive, however, with the Judeo-Christian belief system. How odd. So a particular group of people from a particular type of belief system are trying to get something placed into a subject of study so everyone can see the light of their brilliant theory and come running to them so they can be converted to their way of thinking. The problem with that is the separation of church and state, stated in the US Constitution as well as the Bill of Rights. Unless that particular group of people want other creation stories taught in science class that are vastly different from their story they should sit the hell down and shut the hell up. Anyway... I have work that I need to get back to. More to come on this particular rant. Oh, I am not done with you yet, Intelligent Design. It is neither Intelligent nor is it Design, discuss.

Best actor of all time

I think the best actor of all time is easily Michael Caine.

There are many reasons for thinking he is the best ever. He is credited with 200+ instances of actor/producer/crew work. There are many many many notable roles. He is in "Zulu," "The Cider House Rules," "Austin Powers in Goldmember," "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels," "Hannah and her Sisters," "The Bridge too Far," and "The Eagle has Landed" amongst other various roles. Sure he has gotten an Oscar, sure he has gotten Golden Globes, Emmy's, and other awards and accolades, but the roles that he got those awards for are not the ones that distinguish him as the best actor ever.

There is one role in particular that separates him from the rest of the field, one role and one role alone. That role is a rather obscure role, but marvelous. He hits his mark every time, because he is the consummate professional. He gives the most passionate version of this role that I have ever seen. He plays a very convincing Scrooge character. He is alive, and he is effusive, he is sad, he is just wonderful in this film. But those aspects of his character acting, do not cause me to think him the best actor ever. It is the fact that he brings tears to his eyes in the Ghost of Christmas Present scenes that separates him from the every other actor that has ever been on earth. The movie is "The Muppet Christmas Carol."

If anyone can bring tears to their eyes for the Muppets, that person is the best actor ever. Period. Weeping due to a lame (supposedly walking impaired) frog sock puppet, that takes some acting. Acting Deniro doesn't have. Bringing tears to his eyes because "There will be a crutch without an owner next Christmas." That is much better than Pacino. Sean Penn couldn't act his way out of a paper sack in that instance. In fact, I can imagine him asking the director, "So I'm supposed to cry because a fucking frog with a bad leg is going to die? You know there are Iraqis dying every day due to the oppression of US Military actions." Can you imagine Ed Harris convincingly crying due to a fake lame frog dying? I think not. Harrison Ford's gritty acting style could not effectively replicate the sadness necessary to weep due to a green sock's limited existence. Samuel L. Jackson: "I AIN'T cryin' for this mutha-fuckin puppet." "It is a Muppet, sir." "I don't mutha-fuckin' care if it is the GODDAMN Queen of mutha-fuckin' England, I ain't crying for a lame-ass sock!" It is not about baseball or a western so Cosner's out. Maybe Tom Hanks could pull it off, but he is not old enough to be Scrooge.

Winter Wonderland

Yesterday it snowed. Then last night it did some sleet and freezing rain. Then the power went out at 2 am. As far as we know it has yet come back on, and needless to say, the house was getting rather cold. So me, the wife, and the boy decided to visit a friend of the family after we ate lunch because they have this little thing called heat.

We have gas heat that is controlled by an electric thermostat. So it is not the most fool-proof of heating methods I have ever dealt with. We do have a fireplace, and we did fire it up, and it did help. We had to cover the stairway and an archway into the dining room with blankets, so we could trap the heat downstairs. That helped a whole bunch, but, the house just was not staying warm enough, and we were running out of wood. They are saying that the latest that the power will be back on will be tomorrow afternoon. We are hoping that we get it back sooner.

Anyway, ice storms are a nice nice touch, and I do not understand why absolutely nothing seems to have been plowed.

How is Garfield still in the news papers

Okay, I get it now, Garfield is a fat cat. That is truly hilarious. No really.
I understand why the cat was popular when Jim Davis first started the strip in the early 1800's, but come on, that cat has not done anything new since 1865 when he ate a pan of lazagna that Abe Lincoln didn't eat for some odd reason.

Jon: "Garfield!?! Did you just eat the President's Lazagna?"
Garfield: "When Abe didn't come home from the play, I decided I shouldn't let it go to waste."

Oh, that sarcastic Garfield.

The cat is lazy, and like to eat lazagna
The dog is stupid and likes to drool
The owner is a loser.

This one time in 1945, right after D-Day, Garfield did something mean to Odie (the dog) because it was alagory dealing with fascism and free will, or Odie was on the edge of a table and Garfield is mean. One or the other. I really couldn't tell.

With how edgy and sarcastic daily comics are today (for example Dilbert, Get Fuzzy, etc...) my question to you, the reading public, is how are syndictaded strips like Garfield and Cathy still being published?

Healthy Request Frozen Lunches are waaaay too small

Okay,

Here is the problem, Healthy Request lunches are typically tasty frozen lunches, but their portion size is either for a 7 year old girl or for a European. They always leave me wondering where the rest of it was. Granted, they are probably coprrect size portions for adult humans, but.... I'm an American, and I deserve larger portions. Super Size, King Size, Biggie Size, Up Size, Plus Up It, etc... That's the American way! If my sandwich is smaller than my head, it is a snack. I want a fry size that takes up the entirety of the passerger seat in my car. And I want bacon on that. Bacon should go on everything. It is God's perfect condiment. It is the pig's greatest and last gift bestowed to the human race. If it can have Ketchup, catsup, whatever, it can stand some bacon being thrown on there. Furthermore, because bacon is so superior to most other food stuffs it can also go where ketchup cannot. For instance, I can wrap steak in bacon (some call it "filet mignon", I call it "bacon-steak."), bacon can and should go on a salad, The BLT uses bacon very wisely as well. mmmm bacon. Too bad bacon is horribly not good for you. Canadian bacon though, is another matter entirely. The same salty piggy goodness, just half the fat. The US should invade Canadia just for its Canadian Bacon reserves. Then it could be re-named American Bacon, and then we could get it super-sized.

On another note: What is with Rally's current ad campaign, "You gotta eat." That is basically saying, "We make food, not good food or cheap food, but it is food. Also, we sell it." This in no way shape or form gives me any reason to eat Rally's over any other sustenance. How does my need of food necessitate eating at Ralley's. Now if it was "We will bacon anything up." That's a campaign that I can go for.

So, in summary, Healthy Request Lunches are tasty but too small, bacon is good, and Rally's makes products that, by definition, are edible.

Stupid Rally's

My Apologies to Alabama

In yesterday's entry I made fun of Alabamians. Now, not all Alabamians are ignorant teeth-missing yokels with bad grammar. Some are highly educated and highly motivated professional people with aspirations and the motivation to attain those aspirations.

Did I just say "some?" What I meant to say was "few." Yes, few are highly educated and highly motivated professional people with aspirations and the motivation to attain those aspirations.

While there is this "few" who are truly magnificent people, most people from Alabama are the more common good work ethic, fairly well educated, ethical people intent on making the world a better place.

Whoa, wait a second, did I just "most?" I am really off base there, I really think that it should be "a few more." So in correction... A few more people are the more common good work ethic, fairly well educated, ethical people intent on making the world a better place.

So most people in Alabama must be classified as everyday NASCAR watching (Why Dale why?!?! you were taken before your time!), 9 to 5-er, secretly (some not so secretly) racist, trying to get to the weekend so they can get drunk while they watch some college football, go to church to feel better than other people on Sunday only to rinse and repeat weekly people.

Wait a second, I completely forgot about one group that exists in Alabama. So the everyday NASCAR watching (Why Dale why?!?! you were taken before your time!), 9 to 5-er, secretly (some not so secretly) racist, trying to get to the weekend so they can get drunk while they watch some college football, go to church to feel better than other people on Sunday only to rinse and repeat weekly people are not the majority.

There are still even more "GOD-fearing", Southern Baptist, blatantly racist, tacitly hypocritical, slow-moving, closed-minded, right-wing conservative, gun-rack in the back truck window, rebel-flag waving people in the State (Chief Justice Roy Moore anyone? and his 4 out of 5 people in the state wanting to integrate church and state while segregating schools).

There are still the ignorant teeth-missing yokels with bad grammar. They just aren't the majority. Kinda close to the majority, but not quite. Probably describe them as number 3 in the populace.

Most of the intelligent people in Alabama are just passing through, or just biding their time to leave that God-forsaken state. The only reason their are rocket scientist in Alabama is because of the Huntsville Space Center and Red-Stone Arsenal. I am just happy that I got out when I did.

Stupid Alabama

"There is no spoon" or "You can eat that!?! with youre fingers?"

The little one is quite happy to eat anything with his little perfect fingers. Yes, applesauce is finger food. He enjoys playing with eating utensils, but not so intent on using them for their manufactured purpose. A large wooden spoon is perfect for carrying around, poking things, stirring up legos, etc... Over the weekend though, he did manage to shove some food into his mouth with a fork. He seemed to enjoy that greatly. So maybe his hands only eating method is on the way out. Then again he really enjoyed smashing his face into a bowl to eat a strawberry slice, so maybe the finger food issue is not over yet.

I understand the drive to eat with your hands, I did the major protion of my growin' up in Alabama. Most everything is finger food there as well. Then again most everything there is deep fried as well. We all know that deep fried = eat with fingers.

"Hey, you want you some of them thar green beans?"
"I don't know, is they cruchy-like?"
"Shoot-chya, I fried them up real good."
"Then pile them on this here plate so's I can eat 'em"
"Wanna fork?"
"Chet, I done told you I don't like you that way."
"Nawh, Stubby, Do ya wanna eatin' fork?"
"Oh, nawh, theys don't need no stabbin'."

Then again, maybe using utensils is a good idea....